Problems at more senior levels of management are rarely because individuals lack intelligence, skills, experience or confidence. A problem boss is almost always about behavior — poor behavior.
Sure, the guy is smart, but his default motivator is yelling. She’s knowledgeable but takes credit for everything. You either know, work with, or watch, these so-called “leaders.” So, have I!
Signs of a Problem Boss
Not sure what the signs are? Need clarification or proof of a problem boss? Knowing is important, but what you do with that knowledge is imperative?
The behavior is a problem when:
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Anger is the dominant and default emotion. You and others do everything possible to keep a constant tab on the problem boss’s mood, trying to find a moment when you are least likely to receive his wrath. Everyone constantly takes his emotional temperature. You survey your colleagues before making a move. “What’s he like today?” is a frequent question. Often, it’s not good.
Coaching Tip: Know what you are walking into. Approaching someone in a rage is futile, so keep your in-house lookout churning. If the person has an assistant, befriend them and ask, “Is it a good time?” Watch for lulls and patterns such as better mood early in the morning. Take advantage of these. Even so, there are situations when you must just do it now. Never fuel the fire by bringing your anger to the situation. One technique when speaking to an enraged person is to speak softer. Be very concise and focused on the solution, not only the problem. If it’s constant browbeating maybe you need to change — your role, department, or job. I recently had a client who had the courage to speak up to the head of the firm and the C-level problem boss was terminated, not the victim.
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Grabs every opportunity to be the center of attention. Each great idea, big project, or high-level event is a place for the problem boss to shine. Narcissism abounds in the workplace, especially at high levels, where it is tolerated more.
Coaching Tip: Think of ways to get your signature on the work. Often it is a style of writing, the visuals, or a way of doing the analysis that says, “Chris did that.” Play to the boss’s self-involvement by offering to assist them in the meeting or on that project. Get in the room where it happens. Let him know you are there to make him look good. Be seen. People will realize you have the answers. Never make the problem boss (or any boss for that matter), look bad. It is career suicide. What you want is access, eyes on you listening.
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Is a saboteur. This problem boss puts the kibosh on almost every idea or request. She uses sarcasm and qualifiers such as “but” or “however” to minimize and is quick to negate anything that is new or not hers.
Coaching Tip: Predict her negative response. Say, “I know you may not be open to this, but can I just run it by you.” Or, make it her idea, “I was listening to your comments the other day and thought it would be a good idea if we applied the same process to __________.” Avoid saying “but.” Respond with “and.”
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Believes past failures predict future failures. This problem boss fears risk and spends most of her time regretting and avoiding failure. She uses historical data, antidotes, and shaky memory to reject or diminish most ideas. She’ll insist she is right and under the guise of trying to protect you. It will never change unless pushed from people above. The result is everyone stays stuck in the past.
Coaching Tip: Be prepared to prove this is not anything like X (even if it isn’t). Show you have taken into consideration all her concerns. Mentioning buy-in from a person or department she admires, or fears, might also give you a chance of moving forward.
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Never expresses gratitude. Not only is this problem boss rude but also sees saying and showing “thanks” or “good job” as a weakness.
Coaching Tip: This is a tough one to change. The remedy is within you and around you. While you deserve to be recognized there is a harsh reality that it will probably not happen with this person. I suggest you reward yourself. Say out loud, “you nailed it,” “great job.” Treat yourself. It works. Or try, “Who cares what he thinks. I know it’s excellent.” When working on a team, be the one who thanks other members. Often you will get kudos in return. When all else failed, I would say to myself, “My mother loves me.” It would make me laugh and feel less needy.
Working with a problem boss is debilitating, time consuming, and often counterproductive. The first step in tackling this burden is to define the problem. It helps limit and detail the issue, so you’re not concluding everything in your workplace is wrong or bad. There may be outlets and services within your company that can help you handle the problem. Secondly, there are actions and mindsets you can adapt to help you cope. Finally, there is the option of leaving. It would not be my first choice but sometimes it is the best.
People can change. Coaching has helped many problem bosses recognize, admit to, and shift their behavior. However, as I often say, “This is coaching not miracle working.”
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