There was an article by University of Pennsylvania Professor, Adam Grant, titled “Friends at Work? Not So Much.” He describes a steady decline, particularly in the United States, in the number of people who have or want friends in their workplace. Personal life glimpses such as family day gatherings, inviting the life partners to the holiday party, or even “bring your child to work day” has dwindled. Primarily because many were not interested in doing these activities and/or knowing more about their coworkers.
Many factors contribute to all of this, not the least of which is so many of us work remotely or have flexible hours that may not coincide with your potential friends. Also, we have another outlet in our ability to constantly stay connected with our buddies from outside of our office via social media. Our expectations are lower and we act accordingly.
What are the risks when we fail to create meaningful relationships, a very human trait? If we spend more time with our coworkers than our families, it seems almost unnatural we would not form bonds and make friends at work. What are we missing by not doing so?
I would argue you are losing out on perspective. Sure, someone who does not work with you can give you career advice but when it comes to dealing with difficult people in the office or political situations, there is something to be said for those at ground zero.
Polite and impersonal interactions are just that — distant and not really about connections. It leaves a void and deprives us of the activity most social animals require.
I remember watching a French movie a few years ago. The scene was an office with two young women starting their day. They kissed one another on the cheeks as a greeting. Their boss entered and he shook hands with both of the women. The American audience roared with laughter. I’m sure the French viewers would have thought nothing of it because that level of interaction is acceptable in their culture. I am not recommending you go around kissing the staff. In fact, I strongly discourage it, but we are getting to the point that we don’t greet one another at the start and end of the day. If Siri is the only person calling you by name — you have a problem. Senior people with large staffs are particularly missing an excellent opportunity to make their presence known and personalizing their relationship with those who work for them. If you must remain nailed to your chairs, at least begin and end your day with a brief connection.
Limited interaction with colleagues also dulls our ability to read their cues. Friends know when someone is having a bad day or is struggling with a particular project. Acknowledging it can give both parties a lift. Research also tells us teams that see one another as friends often form these relationships with simple activities such as eating together, even playing together. They work better than strangers, producing more and with higher positive energy.
Granted, it is hard when you do make friends with coworkers and they rather quickly leave for another job, or another location, something more common than ever. Take advantage of the situation and remain friends. Invite them to join a formal or informal alumni group. This way you will have contacts in another city and job market. Who knows when you might need that?
Workplace friendships also have their pitfalls. Should you have conflict, particularly a betrayal, you are still forced to breathe the same air. It is challenging for both of you when one gets promoted to supervise the other. The transparency and honesty level has to change because of what you know and who you have contact with. There can be resentment. It’s not impossible to sustain the relationship, but not easy.
No one I know has ever said, “I have too many friends,” either in their personal life or at work. It’s worth the risk to nurture friendships — even if you have a million “friends” on Facebook.
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