For many of us one of the hardest moves we must make is to tell a friend, family member, or an employee, they did something wrong, forgot or omitted an important action or point, or handled a situation in a less than positive way. The situation calls for constructive feedback.
Early in my career I found it hard to be a bad news messenger. I was raised in a non-confrontation culture and brought it to the workplace. As a solo contributor, I had to test my confrontation skills a few times. That all changed when I had a team reporting to me. A very junior group at that. They made errors, were often hesitant to ask for help, fearing they would look stupid or get in trouble. Sometimes they tried to hide their mistakes. There were people who broke important rules, sometimes intentionally, and in other incidences because they did not know or understand how things were done. The situations all called for the skills of delivering constructive feedback.
Constructive feedback is a way of communicating useful information, observations, comments, and advice, generally about behaviors and/or attitudes, with the goal of a positive outcome for the communicator and the receiver.
I firmly believe you can give almost any type of feedback, especially the most difficult, if you use the right tone, appropriate time and pace, and show respect while being clear, concise, and making it about the receiver, not you.
Research tells us most people want constructive feedback, more than their supervisors realize, or want to give. If it is fair and delivered in a respectful way, they will not hold it against you.
Here are some simple pointers to keep in mind and apply:
Constructive feedback meetings are about behavior not the person’s character or morality.
Issues should be addressed in a timely manner, quickly, and with a focus on specific recent events. No dragging out the skeletons or using generalizations.
Listen.
An appropriate day and time for a discussion is important. Choose wisely.
In-person is always the best. The employee should come to you and the space needs to be private. Zoom would be my next choice, followed by telephone. Serious matters rarely get settled on e-mail and never by text or SLACK.
Focus on change. Constructive feedback conversations should be about improvement and change. It is not the time for you to complain, vent, or ridicule.
Limit the amount of feedback. A constructive feedback meeting should be brief and to the point, not an annual performance review or interview.
Ask yourself — did this person have the authority, responsibility, or the tools to handle the issue or make a good decision? If not, maybe the responsibility falls on you.
You are measured by how you behave in the meeting, not how you preach. Your professional demeanor should say, “This is important,” and “This is about your work.”
People hear tone before facts. Make sure your tone matches the situation. Yelling, screaming, and vulgarity never gets you what you want.
Be serious, but not emotional. Identify and work-out your feelings before you sit for the conversation.
Give relevant and recent examples. Be specific and chose something the person can identify with.
Meeting with your team and individual members of the team on a regular basis makes problems less likely to happen.
Constructive feedback is teaching, not blaming. It is an opportunity to bring awareness and growth to the employee.
Gain trust. Without it the conversation will never be honest on either part. To learn more about trust go to my article “Building Trust at Work”.
Priming. Go over in your mind, or write down, what you want to cover, in the correct order, and how you will end the meeting. Listen for your tone and pace as you practice.
Deliver how you would like to receive feedback. Think about what you would want and need if you were the receiver of the feedback.
Setting goals and clarifying expectations are essential. Completion, attainment measurements, and timelines are necessary. It gives the person a roadmap of what is next and what is expected. Check-ins become part of the process.
Constructive feedback can be challenging, and at times, scary. You may not have the skills or the practice time to give you the confidence you need. Using the suggestions listed above will make it easier and you will be more effective. Your staff wants feedback — both positive and negative. They need you to share it with them.
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