Why You Need to Say “No” in the Workplace?

When children are of a certain age (around three years), they frequently say “no.” It’s their way of showing independence, establishing a sense of self, and a means of testing separation from caregivers.

Why in later years do so many adults have difficulty saying “no” to supervisors, customers, colleagues, children, partners, and even to people they hardly know?What is the cost of this behavior?

Who else is impacted by your unwillingness or inability to deny a request?

Does it really serve the asker if he/she always gets what he wants whenever he wants?

Yessing ourselves to exhaustion has become epidemic in the workplace. Work all night? My pleasure. Take on additional work? Why not. Accepting unreasonable deadlines or outcomes? Not an infrequent occurrence. Never set limits or boundaries? Often, it seems. Sound familiar?

What are your options?

If you don’t learn to say no people will assume you’re the go-to person for everything that needs to get done, regardless of the appropriateness or reasonability. At some level people, oddly, see this overloading as a badge of honor to be worn with public pride.

The risk in not saying “no” is that everything soon becomes a priority and urgent. There is no sense of importance or a hierarchy of need versus want.

It all can’t be urgent, even in an emergency room. The risk of getting addicted to the adrenaline rush is real, but so is mental and physical fatigue.

If as a supervisor, you are unable to say, “we can’t,” you are not protecting your staff from the onslaught of work others will easily load on them, with or without your knowledge. It’s the leader’s mandate to shelter workers from being abused and never saying no can be abusive.

My experience is people who strategically say “no” get more of the important work done, suffer less burnout, and can be more visionary rather than merely tactical or task-driven.

How do they do this?

First, know your priorities — professionally and personally. Focus on a few big ideas and initiatives, and be careful to never stray from your goals.

Let it be known you are engaged. No whining or complaining, just “busy with something important.”

Have a trusting relationship with your supervisor who understands when you say “no” it’s with good reason.

Offer alternatives and suggestions — “Happy to act as a consultant if you have any questions,” or “I could help you next quarter but not now,” or “with more resources I might pull it off,” or “if you take this off my plate, I might have room to take on your request.” It is always done with collaboration and compromise, never about accommodating.

That said, at times you need to decide the answer is not just “no” but “never,” even if it is said more diplomatically. Maybe this is a no-win project, it’s not your skillset, you don’t agree with what is being asked (a touchy one depending on your status), or you don’t trust the asking party and fear there is more to the story than is being told.

Saying “no” gives you a sense of self-worth and dignity. It is a form of self-care.

In executive coaching, we talk about extreme self-care. The idea that you are useless to yourself and others if you fail to meet your needs first. It can be challenging to practice, particularly in the beginning, though the rewards are many.

Here’s my challenge to you.

1. Catch yourself saying “yes” to things you really don’t want to do or shouldn’t. Think of an alternative for you and the person requesting your help.
2. Start with “no” as your answer to most things. Pretend you have been given doctor’s orders to “do nothing” for a week. Could you do it? Do you have to be sick to get to that point?
3. Then, selectively say “yes” after making sure there is something in it for you and that it won’t do more harm than good to you and your people.
4. Repeat until you have a healthy balance of no and yes.

It takes mindful practice but you will be amazed how much trash it takes away.